“I Found My Identity In Christ” By Michelle Epps
We are created by a loving God who designed every part of us with intention and purpose. Yet for most of my life, I felt more like an accident than someone He sculpted into His masterpiece.
Growing up in a single-mom home with older siblings was hard. My mom worked two jobs and went to school, in her best intentions leaving us to fend for ourselves. We relied on government commodities—canned meat, powdered eggs, peanut butter—just to get by. Sometimes the lights were shut off. At eight years old, I stood in a store telling a grown man my mom couldn’t pay. As a result of the instability and scarcity we lived in, I developed an unhealthy relationship with food. By third grade, my two front teeth were broken on a playground—and stayed that way until seventh. Overweight, clothed in hand-me-downs and hiding a broken smile, the enemy did his best to use all of these things to chip away at my sense of worth and identity. Without the anchoring of truth, love and identity I so desperately needed, I was vulnerable to being swept along in the enemy’s dark plot to scar my soul and bury me in shame.
Since most of my time was with older siblings and their friends, from a young age I emulated what they did – smoking, drinking and eventually doing drugs. I was touched inappropriately by people I should have been able to trust, including my step dad. At age 13 I was assaulted while I was high. I didn’t even tell anyone until years later. I thought it was my fault because I was high. Later in life, a boss sexually harassed me and someone close to the family came on to me even though I was married. I was convinced there must be something wrong with me, something I’d done to deserve it all. In the vacuum of not knowing who I was and how the Father saw me, I believed the lie that these things defined my identity. Shame, rejection and depression became heavy loads that cloaked my life. Little did I now, Father God was pursuing me all along.
As a child, I was sent to church—but all I knew were Bible stories, memorized prayers, and a distant God. Nothing about a Savior who knew me personally. That all shifted when a school friend kept inviting me to her church. I finally said yes just to get her off my back. The night before, on her front porch, I invited Jesus into my life. I knew I was empty—everything I was chasing felt hollow. I felt like I’d been truly reborn and my life changed dramatically. My family saw it and came with me. One Sunday, five of them came to the altar and gave their lives to Christ. Salvation didn’t make life easy or stop the attacks on my identity—but I knew I was no longer alone.
My process of becoming more rooted and free in Christ was layered and often came in unexpected ways. I married a great man who stuck with me through depression, a suicide attempt, infertility, infidelity, anorexia and early menopause. His unconditional love for me has shown me the heart of God and I’m forever grateful. Then after years of trying, even though doctors said it was unlikely to happen, we had our daughter Hannah. A couple years later God gave our son Jonah. Both are such miracles from God.
When we moved from Oklahoma to Texas, Hannah started to get put down and bullied by kids in her new school. It was during that time as I started to minister to Hannah about her identity that God was working in me. Scriptures like Genesis 1:31 where “God saw all He had made, and it was very good” and Psalms 139:13-14 where it says “I was knitted together in my mothers womb and I’m fearfully and wonderfully made.” I hate that she went through so much but God used it for good in both of our lives.
Through my life I’ve learned my worth is not dependent on anything I have done, good or bad. Neither is it dependent on what other people say or think about me, not even myself. I can’t do anything to make Him love me more or less. In Ephesians 2:10 it says “For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” He loves us unconditionally without restraint. I’m not an artist but even I know that a great painting has to have light and shadows to have depth. God never promised we won’t have dark times but He does promise to never leave or forsake us. He does promise to use all things for His glory. He doesn’t waste anything. I hope today you would know how loved you are and that you would see yourself as God’s masterpiece!